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Read: Testing Testing

hand palm

 

Troy, 25, Actor  –  Tunde, 25 Youth Worker

  

It is the day after the night before

Troy and Tunde are sitting on the sofa in Tunde’s flat having a coffee

 

Scene one

 

TUNDE:         (Showing Justin some diagrams)  . . .so they’re all colour coded. This one’s a map of the flat and where everything is, and this one’s the times that I use the bathroom in the morning, and this one’s the menu for . . .

TROY:​            Jeez Louise Tunde, it’s only an overnight stay

TUNDE:​         It might turn out longer who knows? I’m just really excited at having you. I’ve been upset

TROY:​           Why?

TUNDE:       Because you’ve been upset! I don’t like to think of you being sad

TROY:​           I’ll be okay

TUNDE:​         You will now you’re here. It will be like old times

TROY:​            Mother thinks that I’m only doing this to get Alex running after me on a white charger

TUNDE:        Let’s not talk about Alex

TROY:​           That’s crazy, I’m not waiting to be rescued, I’m just . . .

TUNDE:​         . . . upset, I know and I want you to know that I’m here for you

                        Tunde’s mobile phone rings. He sees that the call is from Mother

TUNDE:         Excuse me I’ve got to take this

                        He steps away from Justin and makes show he’s out of earshot

MOTHER:     Tunde it’s Mother don’t speak just listen. Is he there?

TUNDE:         Yes

MOTHER:     He’s still tender, so show him lots of TLC. You’re going to have to be strong Tunde, do you understand? 

TUNDE:         Yes

MOTHER:     The universe has sent him to spend a night as a test. Nothing more nothing less. So, let’s not have a repeat of the messy business we had before. You must try and keep your emotions in check. Agreed?

TUNDE:         Yes

MOTHER:     Promise me?

TUNDE:         I will

MOTHER:     Mother knows best

                        Mother hangs up. Tunde returns to Justin

TROY:            Anyone interesting?

 TUNDE:        No, just work. What were we saying?

TROY: ​           I was saying who would have predicted all this?

TUNDE:        Men will be men. Do you remember that other loser you went out with? What was his name? The one who worked in Waterstones

TROY:            ​Oh, Danny? He moved to America

TUNDE:​         Good! I never liked him

TROY:​            We used to stay in touch by Skype but Alex stopped it

TUNDE:​         Typical Alex. He’s so controlling

TROY:​            Don’t get lost in that! He felt that I was leading Danny on by making him think that….

TUNDE:​         Alex needs to realize that it’s not all about him. You’ve got your friends and they’re special to you

TROY:​            They are, and I want you to know that I really appreciate you doing this for me. I hope it’s not putting you out?

TUNDE:​         Course not! I love having you here; in fact I’ve missed us spending time together. I don’t feel comfortable going over to his place

TROY: ​           Our place

TUNDE:​        I’m glad it’s over, he’s . . .

TROY: ​           Who says it’s over? Let’s not get there yet

TUNDE:​         Let’s not discuss it. I’m sure Mother had enough to say about it

TROY: ​           She did, and she gave me some really good advice

TUNDE:​         To leave him?

TROY: ​           No, to get to the bottom of what’s happened

TUNDE:​         Isn’t it obvious?

TROY: ​           Maybe, maybe not

TUNDE:​         He’s cheated on you there’s nothing to get to the bottom of

TROY: ​           That’s what I thought last night, now I’m not so sure

TUNDE:​         Oh

 

PAUSE

 

TROY: ​           Would it be very rude of me if I went for a bath

TUNDE:​         Great idea! I’ll run it for you like I used to when we shared a flat at uni. I love having a bath it helps me to figure out ways of valuing myself that work for me

TROY: ​           God yeah bath nights. I was always crying about some guy or other

TUNDE:​         You’re just sensitive; it’s why I like you. You care about things on a really deep emotional and psychological level

TROY: ​           What I care about right now is having a long soak

TUNDE:         (Smiling) coming up

 

Scene two

 

Justin is relaxing in a bubble bath. There is soft music playing and Tunde is lighting scented candles

TROY: ​           Mother says it takes two to tango so maybe I’m partly to blame?

TUNDE:​         Don’t be stupid

TROY:            ​You know what they say ‘if you’re man goes out to eat he’s not happy with the cooking at home!’

TUNDE:​         Rubbish! Who wouldn’t want a boyfriend like you?

TROY: ​           Maybe there’s something missing for him?

TUNDE:​         He’s lucky to have you

TROY: ​           (Blowing bubbles at him) and this is why you’re my bestie

TUNDE:          Let’s not talk about Alex

TROY: ​           Agreed! I’ve been talking about him all day.

TUNDE:​        Forget him for one night, and just relax

TROY:           And unwind

 

PAUSE

 

TROY:            Let’s talk about you

TUNDE:        What about me?

TROY: ​           Is there still no one special

TUNDE:         ​I tell you everything, I would have told you

TROY: ​           You won’t meet anyone if you don’t go out

TUNDE:​         I hate clubs

TROY: ​           It doesn’t have to be clubs, this is London, there’s loads to do

TUNDE:​         Like what?

TROY:            You could go to a bar or sauna or try speed dating

TUNDE:​         I’m not looking for sex

TROY: ​           Who mentioned sex? Join a group and make new friends

TUNDE:​         You’re my friend

TROY:            I know but I’m talking about making new ones

TUNDE:​         I prefer quality over quantity

TROY: ​           Have it your way but doesn’t it get lonely?

TUNDE:​         I have my work, and I have our friendship. True friendship is important

TROY: ​           Amen to that

TUNDE:         We’ve been through a lot

TROY:            The good the bad and the ugly

TUNDE:​         You’ve been a great friend to me I just want you to know that

TROY: ​           Ditto

TUNDE:​         Do you want me to scrub your back?

TROY: ​           No I’m okay I should be getting out

TUNDE:​         If Alex is dumb enough to cheat on you more fool him

TROY:            ​I’m the fool! Played like a fiddle

TUNDE:​         Don’t say that! Don’t go back to him. You can stay here as long as you like

TROY: ​           You’re sweet

TUNDE:          Do you think so?

TROY: ​           You’re going to make someone a really great boyfriend one day

TUNDE:​         You think?

TROY: ​           Sure, you’re kind and considerate, dependable

TUNDE:​         I am for those who matter

TROY:            What would you be doing now if I wasn’t here?

TUNDE:         It’s on my list to rearrange my wardrobe

TROY:            How?

TUNDE:         You know, switch over the winter and summer clothes?

TROY:            You need to get out more

Justin laughs  

TUNDE:         What’s funny?

TROY:​            Do you remember the time me and Alex fixed you up with his friend Thomas?

TUNDE:​         (Making a face) Urgh, what a disaster

TROY:​            And you got all wheezy, and had to go home because you’d forgotten your inhaler

TUNDE:         It was in my bag the whole time. I just didn’t warm to his energy

TROY: ​           I thought he was nice

TUNDE:​         Too old

TROY:​            Too old? He’s the same age as Alex. Plus, I thought he had nice manners. Manners maketh the man

 

PAUSE

 

TUNDE:​         Justin

TROY: ​           Yeah

TUNDE:         ​Can I ask you something?

TROY: ​           Course

TUNDE:         ​Now I’ve lost the weight do you think I’m hot?

TROY:            ​Hot?

TUNDE:​         Yeah, like hot

TROY: ​           I know what hot means but why are you asking?

TUNDE:​         Never mind, forget it

TROY: ​           It’s just weird saying your friend’s hot

 

PAUSE

 

TROY: ​           Do you think I should call Alex?

TUNDE:​         Why?

TROY: ​           He’ll be worrying about where I am

TUNDE:​         I thought that was the idea

TROY: ​           He was calling earlier? Looks like he’s stopped trying

TUNDE:​         Oh, I should have said I switched your phone off

TROY: ​           What?

TUNDE:         I wanted you to relax and enjoy your bath without….

TROY:            ​You could have asked me first?

TUNDE:​         I’m just looking out for you

 

PAUSE

 

TROY:            ​(Thoughtfully) I wonder what he’s doing

TUNDE:​         Who cares? He doesn’t deserve you

 

PAUSE

 

TROY: ​           What if we can’t get back to where we were?

TUNDE:​         Serves him right! That’s what you get for trying to have your cake and eat it

TROY: ​           We’re doing it again

TUNDE:​         What?

TROY: ​           Discussing Alex

TUNDE:​         What do you want to do later? Watch a movie or listen to some music?

TROY: ​           I think I’ll turn in early if that’s ok? I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Could you hand me the towel?

 

Justin gets out of the bath. Tunde wraps him in the towel and starts drying him

 

TUNDE:         ​An early night sounds good. I think I’ll turn in too

TROY: ​           You’ve been great

TUNDE:​         You know I always show up for you

TROY: ​           I could sleep for a year

TUNDE:​         (Still towelling him) I just want to make you happy, make you feel good again. You’re so beautiful, just having you close makes my heart burst

 

Tunde leans in and kisses Justin. 

 

TROY:            ​What are you doing?

TUNDE:         ​Sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to….. no I did. I want you to know that I’m here for you

TROY:            ​By kissing me on the lips it’s a bit icky

Tunde is hurt

TUNDE:         Icky?

TROY:            ​Not icky, I mean it just doesn’t feel right. That’s not how friends should….

TUNDE:         Maybe it’s not a friend’s kiss maybe it’s a friend who wants to be more than…..

TROY: ​           Tunde we’ve been over this before. It’s not going to happen

TUNDE:​         But why?

TROY: ​           Don’t start that up again I can’t deal with that right now

TUNDE:​         I’m sorry I was just trying to be in the moment and present with my whole self . . .

Tunde runs from the room

 

TROY:            (Shouting after him)  Tunde, Tunde!

 


Troy Blackout

Troy doesn’t have a recent thumbnail because:
 A) He’s wanted in seven states
B) He looks like Quasi-modo
C)  He’s shy
D) He’s an aspiring writer who prefers to be invisible so that he can people watch
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