Read: Uncle D’s Dilemmas – Dating app or the club?



, , , , , ,

Uncle D’s Dilemmas returns with Uncle D dispensing his trademark common-sense views on modern life for black queer men in the UK. If you have a dilemma that you’d like to hear Uncle D’s views on drop us a line at 

‘Video killed the radio star’, has the dating app done the same for the club?

The app is the ‘instant’ descendant of those personal ads in ‘The Voice’ or the back pages of ‘Gay Times’; the chatrooms and ‘telephone lines’, (you need to be of a certain age to remember those!) While it has been an innovative progression, it may have also brought a darkness to the whole scene.

The Club on the other hand has been there in some shape or form since beggar was a boy. It’s like a rite of passage for many of us, straight or gay; a mating ground where the ritual is a dance, however you wanna bring it.

Both options might be considered a form of escape and come with elements to help the process along; but what are we looking for when we hit Grindr or The Club? This is always going to be down to personal preference, but generally we might be after sex, companionship, affirmation or love.

We can do one, both, none, or more commonly these days, a combination of the two – by cruising on Grindr whilst at the club… bizarre, I know, but we’ve all seen it.


The gay club scene is in demise, however there was a moment, quite a long moment when it was vibrant, chic, fun and sociable. The dating app hit us at the peak of the club scene and was part of the fun formula that kept the party going from Friday to Monday morning, it was new and fresh then. This kind of fun has come with a cost though, a few years down the line app-life, along with the chill-outs and the chems, have saturated parts of our community and taken lives and minds, and we have probably not seen the worst of it yet. For some of the younger folk this is all they know and I have seen a few completely absorbed into what is essentially a destructive cycle, stopping them before they have started their lives.

This is not to say we can’t do Grindr and/or The Club positively, but we do need to talk about the things that are not feeding our souls or helping us grow, otherwise we cannot address the issues that follow.


I think much of our challenge is to do with what we are really looking for when we fire up that app or head over to the club. I may be presumptuous, but often I think we are looking for love. However if we are not treating ourselves with love, then we are hardly likely to find it in someone else.

Let’s not confine the search for love to an app or a a nightclub, let’s start with us, open ourselves to the possibilities and embrace love wherever we find it.

This ain’t a sermon, it’s an observation……… and let’s just say I’ve done my research!!

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *